Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
