I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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