I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
