.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
