She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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