and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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