Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
