My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i think my cat just said my name.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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