I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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