she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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