my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
as a side note pls kill me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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