About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
