Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
