Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
