I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
