for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
