I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
