so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
