Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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