I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
