I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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