Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
