i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
