went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
