This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Randomize
