dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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