You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
