my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
