Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
