Too much gin, very little bucket
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
