not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
