Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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