I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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