So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
