Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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