I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
