So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
