Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
