capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
