So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Actions speak louder than pants.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize