Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
