Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
