I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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