my phone needs a breathalizer
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
