so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
