That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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