we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
