If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
