i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
