Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
