okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
