Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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