3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
