I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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