I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
