Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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