What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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