elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
