i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
