dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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