I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My feet surprised me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize