I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
