I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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