Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
