my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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