That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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